Before (Meh) / After (Yay!!)

Almost every part of me wanted to like Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar.

I mean, I’m a sucker for over-the-top menu items, combining 3 dishes which are artery clogging on their own, into one monstrous Frankenstein of an abomination. I’m sold!

We had just come from the Star Wars costume exhibit next door and figured we may as well eat in Times Square, as we don’t often suffer a brain hemorrhage and think it a wise idea to venture up here.

I had read the awful reviews of this place as soon as it had opened. I wasn’t expecting much.

What I wasn’t expecting, was the desire, the need to put salt on my chili cheese fries!!

I mean, I didn’t expect anything to actually be spicy. I knew better. This restaurant was for middle America, where spicy meant more than two cranks of the pepper grinder.

But I wasn’t expecting something so horrifically high in calories to be…bland. I, at least, expected the shit to be salty!

I don’t recall being that disappointed in a long time. Not since the last time I attempted to eat a hot dog from 7-11. Don’t ask. You don’t wanna know.

I asked the waitress for some hot sauce and she told me they only had Sriracha as if that were a bad thing!

Yes, please!

I had also wanted pickled jalapenos, but I feared she would have brought me some mild, bell pepper version.

As we ate our meal (each bite, I added more and more Sriracha), we noticed that each and every single flat screen TV was playing a Guy Fieri show. Just in case we forgot who’s joint we were dining in.

The restaurant is a metropolis. It’s enormous. And the food prices make you realize just how the place is able to afford the rent. It ain’t cheap.

And if you haven’t spent enough money on the meal, you can throw some cash at a few souvenirs on your way out.

The chili fries and the burger were an embarrassing crime scene of red, by the time I was done with them, but I felt no shame in requesting a to-go box for the pasta, a dish which was actually salvageable. Thanks to the plethora of Sriracha I doused it with, in the comfort of my own home.

Somehow, I feel even Guy’s Sriracha wasn’t spicy.

220 W 44th St
New York, NY 10036
b/t Shubert Aly & 8th Ave
Theater District, Midtown West
(646) 532-4897
guysamerican.com

DRAGON CHILI CHEESE FRIES 12.95
Topped with Dragon’s Breath
Chili, sharp cheddar cheese,
diced tomatoes, scallions, sour
cream + crispy bacon bits.

Siriracha is the only reason this dish could be considered part of “Flavor Town”

Cajun Chicken Alfredo – $22.50
Cajun-spiced blackened chicken breast, white wine, sun dried tomatoes, penne + creamy parmesan sauce.

Bacon Mac n Cheese Burger – $18.50
Crispy applewood smoked bacon, creamy
four-cheese mac n cheese, all-natural
signature blend ground beef, lettuce,
tomato, onion, pickle, donkey sauce +
garlic butter on toasted brioche