New York City is too expensive for many people to live in. It’s certainly too expensive for me. I struck a deal with the devil, that’s the only reason I’m here.

If I were living here by myself, I’d be living in another borough. Like, Vermont.

One side effect of everything being too expensive, is that when something comes along that isn’t….it becomes an instant apocalypse.

If something is a good deal, you will find a good deal of people standing in a crazy line for it.

Don’t think you’re special for finding that $6.99 lunch special. Tell the 89 people in front of you how special you are.

Take Trader Joe’s for instance.

(Have you seen the Buzzfeed article describing the Manhattan TJ’s experience in full, gory detail?)

I like to think that Los Angeles is a fairly large city. So, I would think the lines at LA’s Trader Joe’s would give me a good indication of what I can expect in NYC.

Oh crap, was I wrong!

If you want to experience what “the last day on earth before a nuclear holocaust” feels like, step into one of the Manhattan Trader Joe’s after work.

Are those people perusing each aisle for their weekly groceries?

No. That’s the line.

But wait, the cashiers are way over on the other side of the store?….

I know.

Sh*t.

The produce section, which looks like a Denny’s after one of those late-night food fights you can see on YouTube, is the only place where you can shop unencumbered by the hellish line.

Otherwise, just walk your happy ass over to that aisle on the other side of the store and slowly grab items as you see them, because you’re now officially in the back of the line. And if you leave the line to get that dairy product over there…well…Lord help you if you think you’re getting back in your original spot.

I get that Trader Joe’s is a good deal and all, but is it worth all this heartache and the hour long line?

The thing is, if you walk into any deli or fairly-priced restaurant at lunchtime, you have to wait alongside 45 other new friends.

Not sure where you’re gonna sit once you get your food…good luck with that. Learn to eat and walk.

If something is a deal in this town, everyone else already knows about it and you’re going to have to fight, and perhaps lose a limb, for that $1.99 frozen meal.

Or you can meander over to your local neighborhood grocery store and pay $6.99 for a freezer burned Stouffers or $4.99 for a brown head of iceberg lettuce and be back at home in minutes!

NYC is a city for the wealthy. The rest of us clamber for our good deals and scratch each other’s eyes out for a buy-one-get-one-free. while the upper east siders ask their drivers to slow down so they can witness the mayhem from their safe, warm SUVs. .

Helpful Tip: Trader Joe’s delivers!

MY WEEK(S) in IPHONE PHOTOS:

9/11 Memorial

The Last Column

Survivor’s Staircase

Carnegie Deli – Matzo Ball Soup

Carnegie Deli – Pastrami Sandwich

View from the Bronx Zoo tram.

Grey Dog – cute Chelsea café.

Grey Dog – Smokes Salmon Toast

St. Peter’s Church – across the street from my apt.

The Dakota, former home of John Lennon (and where he was shot).

Fresh Air Fund’s annual benefit

Our table filled with seizure-inducing blinking, flashing lights. A 9 year old designed the tablescape.

Al Roker getting ready to present in his finest purple smock.

Mariah in all her boobage.

Jalapeno Cheddar Sourdough

My first Manhattan Trader Joe’s experience.