When people dine in Soho and then Yelp a bad review about it being overpriced, I just have to giggle.

What do you expect???

This isn’t the place to go for a bargain. Soho doesn’t have cheap eats except for a few beloved pizza spots.

Soho has fine dining and sub par dining at fine dining prices.

That’s it.

Cafe Altro Paradiso comes from the folks that brought us Estela. The spot known for the egg sandwich on a poppyseed danish. Yum!

Why didn’t breakfast sandwiches made with sweet pastries take off, after that?? People are dumb, I guess.

Since I was avoiding carbs on this particular occasion, I opted for two of the lighter dishes.

The Fish Crudo (isn’t all crudo made with fish??) and the Fennel salad.

I’m a sucker for both menu items.

Crudo is perfect for an app, since it’s super light but usually features nice bold flavors (and often photographs well).

I LOVE fennel but never buy it at the grocery store since it’s kind of a pain in the ass to prepare.

Fennel salads, however, do NOT photograph well, since fennel is white. And who wants to see that??

CAP’s fennel salad was just perfection. Loads of nice, crunchy fennel, chunks of green olives and little bits of provolone all blanketed nicely in some kind of lemon oil situation. SO GOOD.

Those two dishes (and zero beverages) plus tip set me back around $40 bucks. Not a cheap brunch by any means, but also totally worth it for simple but incredible flavors.

Especially considering Crudo of any kind is never going to happen in my kitchen at home.

Oh, I almost forgot! The swordfish was also very nice. Smaller sized portion but perfect if it’s sandwiched between two larger meals.

Fennel Salad with Castelvetrano olives and Provolone – $15

Fish Crudo with caper berries and horseradish – $18

Swordfish with salsa verde and potatoes – $25

The original Birdland opened in 1949 a few blocks up from the current location. Named after Charlie “Yardbird” Parker (some jazz guy, probably) Birdland has moved around until settling on 44th sometime in the mid-90’s.

Here’s what everyone wants: some cooler than cool, little unknown dive where the greats are always playing, the booze is cheap and there is no cover.

But this is NYC, there isn’t really anything unknown anymore.

Everything amazing has a line down the block or a 6 month waiting list. There is no undiscovered country of awesomeness left in Manhattan and if there is, it takes too much effort to find it.

I guess there are a ton of great divey Jazz spots in New Orleans…except that might be the only city where the tourists are worse than NYC.

Find an awesome, hidden jazz spot in NOLA and some frat boy is already puking right outside of it.

Birdland, like many popular jazz venues in the city, is quite whitewashed. Very streamlined, organized, clean and, well, white. At least it was on New Year’s Eve.

In fact, the entire 12 piece band was white. I think there may have been one Hispanic guy but only in name.

That being said (which is what I say every time I write a series of disparaging comments about something), all the musicians were terribly talented and entertaining to watch.

It was a highly enjoyable show. Was I pushed, spilled drinks on, was I fighting for a spot and fanning myself into oblivion because I was packed in like newly legal Cuban cigars?

No.

Because mainstream jazz clubs are nicely air conditioned. And I ain’t mad at that.

Another shocking thing I soon found out was that the food was really good!

My Cajun meatloaf was flavorful and just the right sized portion.

Our ricotta meatball starters were also highly enjoyable. Not the moistest things ever, but also a step up from Trader Joe’s frozen ones.

What I was disappointed with was the cocktails.

My Manhattan was not great. I think the proportion of whiskey to vermouth was 50/50.

I switched to wine after that so I can’t attest to any of the others but the list of drink options (which started with the simple, lone word “Margarita”) didn’t give me too much hope.

The $75 cover got us an hour and a half show, and a guaranteed table. I believe it was $50 for bar seating. It’s much more reasonable when some dumb new year’s holiday isn’t getting in the way.

315 W 44th St
New York, NY 10036
b/t 9th Ave & 8th Ave
Theater District, Hell’s Kitchen, Midtown West
Birdlandjazz.com

Herbed Parmesan Meatballs

Baby Back Ribs

Creole Meatloaf

Del Posto is Mario Batali’s most high end NYC restaurant and if you’re a cheap bastard, the best time to come here is for lunch!

The lunch tasting menu is only $49 as opposed to $100 more for dinner for only one or two more courses.

Also, you can add a portion of pasta for just $10 a person. Definitely do this, ya dummy.

The pasta was the best part of the meal. While I don’t think the 100 Layer Lasagna actually contained 100 layers, it was still a beautiful sight and something one could eat on a daily basis.

I won’t bore you with any comments about the other dishes because….well, I should have posted this a month ago so I totally forget what everything tasted like.

Take that as a critique, if you will.

85 10th Ave
New York, NY 10011
b/t 15th St & 16th St
Meatpacking District, Chelsea
(212) 497-8090
delposto.com

BARREL AGED NEGRONI 19
Plymouth Gin, Cocchi Vermouth di Torino & Campari,
Aged six weeks in a Tuthilltown Bourbon Cask
CRIMSON REVIVER 18
Botanist Gin, Lejay Crème de Cassis, Cocchi Americano Rosa & Lemon

Complimentary Amuse Bouches –

Insalata AUTUNALE
Robiola Fonduta, Hazelnut & Pumpkin Quince Vinaigrette

Truffled BEEF Carne Cruda
Crunchy Salsify Chips ($15pp)

Yesterday’s 100 Layer LASAGNE alla Piastra
Ragù Bolognese

Poached Atlantic HALIBUT
Sunchokes al Mattone, Sauce Rossini & Watercress

Seared LAMB Chop & Neck
Golden Chanterelles, White Beans, Rosemary & Yogurt Sauce

Coffee PANNA COTTA
Cinnamon Cereale & Burnt Orange

Apple ARROSTO
Grano Saraceno, Fennel & Whipped Cream

Complimentary After Lunch Dessert Bites

Ichibentai’s star dish is this truly frightening fried chicken topped with what looks like curdled cottage cheese. It’s revolting to look at but very tasty to eat.

So, eat it! And stop judging grotesque looking books by their covers!

Located in the East Village, Ichibentai is a ultra casual, high top tables and stools only kind of place with loud music and busy walls and cheap Japanese eats.

Definitely any of the fried chicken dishes are worth ordering and they go good with a beer and sake if you’re feeling frisky.

401 E 13th St
New York, NY 10009
b/t Avenue A & 1st Ave
East Village
(646) 368-9755
ichibanteinyc.com

Always, ALWAYS a line…

I firmly believe that Absolute Bagels is Manhattan’s best bagel. Hell, the best in all 5 boroughs!

But is it really? Is it really any better than your really good New York bagel purveyor?

Well?…..

Ok, fine, no.

It’s equally as good as Essa or Murray’s or even Brooklyn Bagel Co.

I think the only thing that really sets these top notch bagel joints apart is their cream cheese selection.

Murray’s has standard, traditional flavors. Tompkins has quirky, over the top flavors (like Birthday Cake).

Absolute has a small selection but they offer a Bacon Cheddar cream cheese that I often crave. Adds just enough flavor to your bagel without overpowering it with an actual slice of cheese or strips of bacon.

The line at Absolute can get pretty long but they’re much more efficient than Murray’s, which takes forever.

It’s located near Columbia University and St. John the Divine Cathedral, so if you find yourself in that hood (and you’re not vegan) add yourself to the line and get ready to carb load for a race you’re not running.

2788 Broadway
New York, NY 10025
b/t 108th St & End Ave
Manhattan Valley
(212) 932-2052
absolutebagels.com

My Fav – Bacon/Cheddar Cream Cheese….

Covina is a perfectly fine, slightly overpriced eatery in Flatiron.

If you’re in the hood and your wallet is healthy, give it a go!

If not, go somewhere else. It’s not like it’s miles above whatever upscale brunch spot is closest to you.

The Burger is the star of the show, here.

It’s part of the current wave of super simple, super moist and delicious “back to basics” burgers that I am loving.

A few years ago, it was all about these gourmet, 6 inch dry aged steakhouse burgers with some trendy ingredient (or none at all) that you had to eat with a fork and knife.

I feel like restaurants have realized that those burgers take too much work when no one really wants all that noise.

Burgers should have cheese, onions, pickles and some kind of special sauce. That’s it. And they don’t have to be a mile high. And they should be juicy AF.

Brooklyn’s Emily and Emmy Squared make NYC’s most perfect burgers, currently. And I see the trend to that kind of simple and traditional (yet with elevated ingredients) burger being featured on every restaurant menu and I ain’t mad at it.

I think the world has seen quite enough of a big ‘ole dry hunk of ground beef slapped on a boring ass bun.

Burgers need to be simple but they DO need to be dressed up a bit. However, they work best in thrift store hand me down’s, rather than whatever the hot trendy outfit is.

127 E 27th St
New York, NY 10016
b/t S Park Ave & Lexington Ave
Flatiron
(212) 204-0225
covinanyc.com

Espresso Martini

STEAK & EGGS $28
HANGER STEAK, FRIED EGGS, BREAKFAST POTATOES, BEARNAISE

COVINA BURGER & FRIES $21
SPECIAL SAUCE, AMERICAN CHEESE, DASHI PICKLE
ADD EGG +2

Daniel Boloud is a famous restaurateur with about a dozen NYC restaurants under his belt and several others around the globe. He’s an empire, I guess.

When I first moved to NYC back in 2014, we hit up his namesake restaurant, Daniel. It was one of the snootiest experiences of my life. We were not impressed.

I was also in a dinner jacket that was FAR too tight, so not loving anything that night.

Daniel has a dress code, Bar Boloud does not. Both places are on the pricy side, but Daniel is definitely the higher end eatery. Go to Bar Boloud instead.

I’ve been to several “Jackets Required” restaurants in NYC, and only Daniel gave me snobbery overload (that’s what I get for venturing to the Upper East Side). The service was also too aggressive (couldn’t blink without someone there to dry my tears) and the food was not worth the blood circulation being cut off in my lower half.

I think I had a temporary case of Deep Vein Thrombosis directly after that meal.

What I liked about the food at Bar Boloud is that, while it was traditional French fare, it wasn’t overpriced and the portions were substantial. Neither of us finished our meals.

And I was dressed in my finest eatin’ pants, so if there were any room left in my belly, I would have filled it with those leftovers.

The French Onion Soup was perfection! Order that, damn you!

The service was far from snooty and it’s just a few blocks from Lincoln Center so it’s the perfect pre/post show dinner.

The best part is you can depart Bar Boloud free from any of those pesky Deep Vein Thrombosis worries.

1900 Broadway
New York, NY 10023
b/t West 64th St & 63rd St
Upper West Side
(212) 595-0303
barboulud.com/nyc

Oysters of the Day – 6 for $21

FRENCH ONION SOUP
sourdough croûtons
gruyère cheese
$ 14

COQ AU VIN
red wine braised chicken
lardons, mushrooms
pearl onions, spaetzle
$30

DUCK BREAST A L’ORANGE*
potato confit, rutabaga
swiss chard, pink peppercorns
seville orange marmalade
$33

VANILLA CRÈME CATALAN
raspberries, orange confit
sablé Breton
$14