I recently read an article describing the top 10 places in NYC that you should AVOID. And whadya know? Ellen’s Stardust Diner is one of them.

Yes. It’s 100% tourist attraction. There is nothing for a jaded New Yorker foodie.

But I came here when my mother and sister came to visit recently, so it was the perfect opportunity!

Was the food as bad as I was expecting? No. Did the cheese sauce on the nachos have a frightening pink hue? Yes. Was it still tasty? Yes.

The waitstaff all sing Broadway showtunes. That’s Ellen’s schtick. That’s why you’re waiting in that long ass line outside. And they’re really talented, I was shocked. I definitely expected more amateur karaoke action.

What is certainly hilarious is watching the servers ring up customers orders whilst sing and doing a little jig while bringing waters to a table. They definitely try their best not to appear bored but they clearly have all done this before. They are just this side of being over it.

A tip bucket will make it’s rounds but we happened to miss it during our meal.

Ellen’s is definitely an entertaining experience if you’re in the right mindset. If you’re a New Yorker wanting really good food and maybe have a hangover? Well, you wouldn’t be coming near Times Square anyways, now would you?

1650 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
b/t 51st St & 50th St
Theater District, Midtown West
(347) 504-6517
ellensstardustdiner.com

Stardust Nachos with Chicken – $15.45

Beef Stew

Norman Rockwell’s Turkey Dinner – $17.95

Banana Split

Spicy Thai Slaw, Asian Pear, Crispy Shallots, Mint – $10

***THIS PLACE HAS CLOSED***

For a few years now, Spice Market had been my go-to restaurant to take out of town guests who wanted to go somewhere special or nice.

The food is fantastic, the place is gorgeous, the servers are prompt and friendly and…well, isn’t that enough for you???

Well, you can forget about all that now. The Spice Market has closed and will probably turn into a Dean and Deluca or something.

I am grateful I got to dine here on the final night of service. The staff were in party mode but still served us that exact same Asian fusion fare (I especially loved their spiced chicken samosas) as quickly as they could.

I won’t bother describing the food because you can’t have any unless you fly your ass to Qatar or Mexico to visit their other locations. And if you go, bring me back some of those samosas!!

403 W 13th St
New York, NY 10014
b/t Washington St & 9th Ave
Meatpacking District, West Village
(212) 675-2322
spicemarketnewyork.com

Papadam (Complimentary)

Avocado Onion Ring Salad

Spiced Chicken Samosas with Cilantro Yogurt – $12

Charred Chili Rubbed Rib Eye Skewer – Thai Basil Dipping Sauce – $16

Cod with Malaysian Chili Sauce & Thai Basil

If you want to be ignored in a beautiful courtyard, Ladurée is the place for you!

Located in the rear of a macaron shop in Soho, Ladurée is a fine place to nibble on tiny portions if you’re not in a hurry.

I know I sound super sarcastic (sorry, das me) but it’s not so bad if you’re less hungry and have no where to be.

That being said, the food is very tasty. The Avocado Toast is simple but effective and the pastry basket is a steal at the low but odd price of $5.20!

I think I would actually come back and take someone who cared more about ambiance than speedy service and large portions but since I’m more of a “give me a ton of food quickly” kind of guy, I will probably never come here on purpose.

398 W Broadway
New York, NY 10012
b/t Watts St & Broome St
South Village / Soho
(646) 392-7868
ladureeus.com

Cocktail Macaron Lemon – $18

Assortment of 3 Mini Viennoiseries – $5.20

Complimentary Mini Baguette

Avocado Toast with Poached Egg – $13

Small Fruit – $5

Oeufs Benedicte – $13.00

I had such high hopes for Homestead.

First, it’s just a few blocks away from my apartment. I had envisioned making my way there in the midst of a fierce snowstorm to warm my frozen hands on a hot steak.

Instead, I met a friend there on a hot Indian Summer’s night for a mediocre steak and a super expensive burger.

The place is not all bad. The burger was tasty, as were the onion rings that sat atop the Roomba-sized burger patty.

The “Chef’s Special Bread Preparation” was pure, delicious insanity. Rectangular shaped, buttery slices of Texas Toast sat atop a lovely pond of parmesan garlic sauce. This dish still haunts my dreams.

The Iceberg Wedge salad is all once could want. A gallon of nummy blue cheese dressing drenching an entire 1/2 head of lettuce with enormous strips of bacon and a few pointless cherry tomatoes.

I would have been totally satisfied just eating those two items (washed down by two Manhattans, thank you very much) but I had to go and order the $32 filet mignon burger.

The only reason I’m not more irritated with that decision is because my dear friend paid for the entire dinner. You’re the best, C!

C ordered the Rib Eye, which was overly fatty and under seasoned. And she’s from Texas, so she knows her steaks! For $52 bucks, we expected a little more.

Would I come back if that snowstorm I was talking about ever hit? Yes. For cocktails and apps. No need to bother with the steak at this steakhouse. Vegetarians apply within!

56 9th Ave
New York, NY 10011
b/t Avenue Of The Americas & 14 St
Meatpacking District, Chelsea
(212) 242-9040
theoldhomesteadsteakhouse.com

CHEF’S SPECIAL BREAD PREPARATION
PARMESAN, ROASTED GARLIC
$7

OYSTERS ROCKEFELLER ROYALE
PERNOD CREME
$19

WEDGE OF ICEBERG LETTUCE
CRUMBLED BLUE CHEESE, CRISPY BACON
15.5

16OZ FILET MIGNON BURGER, BUTTER MILK ONION RINGS
$32

THE GOTHAM RIB STEAK ON THE BONE 24OZ
$52

Root and Bone is a charming East Village eatery famous for their sweet tea brined, lemon dusted fried chicken.

It’s a pretty special fried bird, I must admit.

You have to deal with severe crowds in order to enjoy it, however. Be warned. Come for brunch, right when they open or for dinner, also right when they open. Be early or it’s your chicken-less funeral.

A half bird ($19 bucks) is enough for 1.5 hungry people if you also get an app or two. If you have two full humans (slightly more common) then might want to also get another dish, maybe the waffle and chicken sandwich?

I mean, you don’t have to. You can do whatever you want, what do I care? I don’t. I do not care what you do. Now you’ve done it, I’m in a mood. Thanks a lot, jerk.

R & B also serves what I believe might be the world’s finest deviled eggs. Not only are they perty to look at (thanks to the beet-dyed egg white) but the filling is just absolutely perfect in every way.

If you don’t order them, then consider us in a fight. Yet again.

200 E 3rd St
New York, NY 10009
b/t Avenue B & Avenue A
East Village, Alphabet City
(646) 682-7076
rootnbone.com

Beekeeper $13

Hibiscus Lemonade

Drunken Deviled Eggs

Fried Chicken & Waffle Sandwich

Crispy Fried Bucket of Bird – Half

Superiority Burger – $6

I think I ate here about a year ago and it’s just now that I’m finally posting my blog about it.

After the buzz has all but died down.

Any NYC foodie worth his truffle salt has already eaten here and has already gone onto the new hot restaurant and is probably sick of that place, too.

Superiority is known for their cute (aka, small) veggie burger, their less cute but more raved about Sloppy Dave, their quite inexpensive Burnt Broccoli Salad ($4 bucks) and their quite tasty gelato and sorbet (also only $4).

Here are some of the issues.

The burger is small, almost tiny. You’ll definitely need something else (like the broccoli salad) to go with it.

The place is also tiny and seating is very limited. Either get there when they open or plan on standing while you eat.

That’s about it. I really enjoyed by burger and would definitely come back if I were in the hood and I was in the mood for a quick casual bite.

430 E 9th St
New York, NY 10009
b/t East 9th St & Avenue A
East Village, Alphabet City
(212) 256-1192
superiorityburger.com

Burnt Broccoli Salad – $4

Green Apple Sorbet – $4

Wilfie & Nell is a dark, neighborhoody sort of but not really divey bar and eater in the West Village that is hopping at night and sleepy in the morning. Like most of it’s patrons.

Every time I walk by the place, I think “If I enjoyed the company of humans, that place looks like a hoot!”

Which is why I showed up at brunch.

Seated at a large table behind us were a shockingly quiet gaggle of girls, keeping their voices down. Either they were trying to figure out which river to dump a body (probably their least favorite friend) or they were hurting from the night before.

Soon, they were gone and the place was deserted. It has a medieval brick and wood vibe to it, so it kind of felt like we were eating in some fake haunted house set, a month after Halloween.

But the fried chicken sandwich was really great, the fries were even better and the cocktails were both boozy and somehow only $5 each! I can’t tell if we were charged the happy hour prices on accident or not, but I wasn’t going to bring it to the server’s attention!

The scotch eggs were solid, but I don’t think I would rush to order them again.

Overall, I would suggest Wilfie and Nell for those longing for a quiet brunch in a friendly dungeon or those looking for nighttime drinks at a packed house.

228 W 4th St
New York, NY 10014
b/t S 7th Ave & S 7 Ave
West Village
(212) 242-2990
wilfieandnell.com

Breakfast Negroni
Campari, Carpano, Fresh Lime, Grapefruit Juice – $9

House Champagne Cocktail
Orange Bitters, Elderflower Liqueur – $12

Scotch Egg – $7

Fried Chicken Sandwich
Spicy Slaw, Pickles, Chile Oil – $12

Dry Aged Burger
Pat LaFrieda Aged Blend, Charred Red Onions, McClure’s Pickles, HP House Mayo – $14

Cheese.

One of the most important words in the English language. Definitely more important than the word “Vegan”.

I’m having trouble trying to think of some any disorder or ailment that couldn’t be cured simply by the act of watching cheese get scraped off of a cheese wheel. I honestly can’t. I bet it could help someone stop biting their nails or quit smoking, as it would cause someone to instantly fall into a hypnotic state.

The only side effect would be one’s instant obsession with all things cheese. Which would be totes worth it.

I had to make a reservation months in advance to get into Raclette, but when I arrived on a Sunday at noon, the place had moved to a much larger space and we were the first ones there. Looks like walk ins, at least for brunch, are ok now!

I had read some reviews that previous guests thought their cheese was a bit on the bland side. Here’s the thing: there are three cheese options. Standard, Premium ($2 extra) and Raw Milk ($4 extra) (not pasteurized).

Since we wanted the cheesiest one possible (and to avoid any mozzarella comparisons) we upgraded our Cheesexperience to the Raw option and was not disappointed.

Totally nutty and flavorful, I couldn’t think of any complaints. And when you pull out your phone to videotape the server scraping the cheese gratuitously, your life will never be the same. Nor will your cholesterol.

The Savoyarde and Suisse options are basically the same, except the Suisse one adds your choice of French meats but if I were to come back, I would definitely try the Mediterranee, as well.

To be honest, they could have brought out a platter of old erasers, pen caps and used sponges and it all would have been made right by pouring a ton of cheese everywhere.

We ordered the large (which is recommended if you’re sharing) and also includes three “scrapes”, all at different intervals of your meal. Just when you’re about to cry because the cheese is all gone but you’ve still got some baguette left, she’ll swoop in and save the say with luscious, glorious cheese.

511 E 12th St
New York, NY 10009
b/t Avenue B & Avenue A
East Village, Alphabet City
(917) 853-5377
raclette.nyc

Havana
$11.00
Pulled pork, dijon mustard, housemade bread-and-butter pickles, & French raclette cheese on toasted Cuban roll

Suisse
$18.00/Regular
$23.00/Large
Add $4 for Raw Cheese
Raclette cheese, melted and scraped tableside; choice of viande séchée, prosciutto di Parma OR jambon de Paris; roasted potatoes; cornichons; pickled white pearl onions; sliced baguette; arugula salad with champagne vinaigrette