Emily was one of the first super-hyped restaurants to actually have impressed me more than I thought it would.

So, when those folks opened up Emmy Squared, an eatery featuring Detroit-style thick, square cut pizza (and an even better burger) I knew I couldn’t sleep until I tried it.

Well, it took a while for me to finally get there. I guess that’s about six months of not sleeping.

It was a disgustingly hot and muggy day in NYC, not the best day to cool of with a big, heavy burger and some hot ass pizza.

I didn’t care. Trying Emmy was worth the suffering and almost illegal amount of sweating. Lord knows what I looked like when the hostess greeted us at the door. “Sir, the hospital is down the street”.

First, let’s chat about the pizza for a sec.

I LOVE square pizza. Not a huge fan of Chicago style but Sicilian always calls my name. Unless it’s too thick and bready.

The pies come out on the smaller side. But they’re extremely filling so you won’t need more, piggy. The pepperoni slices are filled with about one gallon of grease per slice, so I dumped each slice out onto the tray before eating. I must have looked like such an asshole.

Not doughy at all, this pizza tastes like it’s been deep fried. Crunchy and saucy and just the right amount of pepperoni. I have zero complaints.

The burger, however, was a work of f*cking art.

I don’t care how trendy pretzel buns are, I will ALWAYS be a sucker if I see something featuring one. “Antique Artisan Shoe smothered in warm organic feces on House Made Pretzel Bun” = DONE! Consider it ordered.

The best burgers are the simplest ones. They have cheese, sauce and two or three simple, sparse condiments (pickles and onions are all I need, frankly).

The meat was medium rare and perfectly cooked. I usually prefer my meat more charred but was finished this burger so quickly, I didn’t have a chance to notice.

The sister burger served at Emily is just a smidge tastier (due to the caramelized onions) but otherwise this burger is right up there with that perfection.

364 Grand St
Brooklyn, NY 11211
b/t Havemeyer St & Marcy Ave
Williamsburg – South Side
(718) 360-4535
http://pizzalovesemily.com/emmy-squared/Emmy Squared Website

Moscow Mule – 12

Roni Supreme — sauce, mozzarella, lots of pepperoni, Calabrian chili 19

Le Big Matt
Double-stack Fleisher’s pasture-raised beef, American
cheese, pickles, mizuna, Sammy sauce, Tom Cat pretzel bun
waffle fries
22

Schiller’s Liquor Bar is a charming, antiquey French bistro in the LES that makes a mean Avocado Toast.

Mean, meaning two things. It’s delicious and it’s expensive.

Avocado Toast should only cost about $8-9 and if you add an egg, maybe $12. But not $16. That’s ridick. Ridonk, even.

But it was tasty and the ambiance is pleasant, so I don’t mind splurging. You might, ya cheap bastard.

131 Rivington St
New York, NY 10002
b/t Norfolk St & Suffolk St
Lower East Side
(212) 260-4555
schillersny.com

Croque Madame – $14

Avocado Toast w/ Poached Eggs, Tomato-Jalapeno Salsa – $16.50

Side of Sausage – $6