La Sirena is the new Mario Batali restaurant inside Chelsea’s funky Maritime Hotel.

As I’ve mentioned before, hotel restaurants are funny when it comes to brunch.

You’ve got your hotel guests (often tourists, often older) who like pancakes and eggs and coffee at 8 am.

Brunch is a foreign word for most folks who don’t reside in a major city.

To them, “Brunch” is something that those sluts from Sex and the City do. It’s code for dishing about last night’s slutting.

Brunch in NYC means booze at noon. Not coffee at dawn.

This means, you have a clash of sleepy geriatrics giving the side-eye to those mimosa drinking Carries and Samanthas.

La Sirena is beautiful, naturally. Hotel restaurants most often are.

Now, because these places have a built-in clientele (in the form of hotel guests that find it easier than searching the city for good eats) the food at hotel restaurants doesn’t have to be that great.

Luckily, there’s no such thing as a bad Batali eatery, so you have nothing to fear at La Sirena.

We ordered two things. The Amaretti Marscapone pancakes were awesome! Everything you could desire in a pancake. I actually want more of them right now. And some slutty mimosas to wash them down.

They go really well with a side of sausage, which you get plenty of. Five nicely sized links.

The Rigatoni Carbonara was rich a also a nice sized portion.

Would I return to La Sirena? Yes. Because I live only a few blocks away. Would I make the trek here from far away lands (like, Queens)? Yes. But only if I hadn’t already been here. La Sirena is a very pleasant “One and Done” situation.

Maritime Hotel
88 9th Ave
New York, NY 10011
Chelsea
(212) 977-6096
lasirena-nyc.com

Cappucino

Mezzi Rigatoni Carbonara – $24
Guanciale, Eggs, & Pecorino

Amaretti Mascarpone Pancakes – $17
Maple Syrup & Sirena Butter

Lam Zhou makes the best and cheapest dumplings in Chinatown. $3 for 9 dumplings!

They also make a really good bowl of Dan Dan noodles.

Their beef noodle soup was just ok. The beef was too fatty for me. I’m high maintenance, I know.

Lam Zhou is a tiny shack. Be prepared.

Come inside (if you can find the place, there isn’t really a sign out front) and go directly to the back, towards the kitchen. Find someone to place your order with. Some gals will be making dumplings back there. And some guy will be stretching a big ass noodle. Watch them (but not creepily) while you wait for someone to come take your order.

Then, find a seat somewhere. You’ll probably have to sit next to strangers (ew) or along a wall, 2.5 inches from a wall, to be exact.

Cash only!

The food will come out in approximately 45 seconds. It’s jarring how quickly your food will be ready. It will come out hot. Piping hot! Fast, cheap and hot! This is where a dad or an uncle will make some kind of bad joke. Whatever you do, don’t laugh, you’ll only encourage him.

144 E Broadway
New York, NY 10002
b/t Pike St & East Broadway
Lower East Side, Chinatown
(212) 566-6933

It ain’t much to look at, but you’ll be too busy staring at your delicious food to care!

Dumplings in Progress!

Beef Brisket Noodle Soup – $6.50

Hand Pulling Noodles (I think)

#11 – Dry Noodle with Minced Pork Sauce – $6

Fried Dumpling – $3 (without Sriracha)

Fried Dumpling WITH Sriracha….